|
[05 Apr 2006|11:20am] |
well i am updating for lack of anything better to do.
i was reading my old entries and its SO good to know that i have grown since then and am a lot more together. but at the same time its a little weird because no matter how different i am and how much more together i am right now things are still crazy and out of control. i guess thats life.
|
|
| vague...yes...but an update none the less |
[05 Jul 2005|11:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
what was it about that night? connection in an isolating age. for once the shadows gave way to light....
for once i didnt disengage
...and its musical. what more could you ask for?
|
|
|
[24 May 2005|10:36pm] |
things are spiraling out of control and i'm not sure what i can do. well i know what i CAN do but what SHOULD i do. i'm not used to being the one with problems i'm the steady one everyone comes to...so what do i do. i'm so fucking tired of being sick my ribs hurt like moms and there's NOTHING i can do about it because until recently the doctors thought i had bronchitis...turns out i have pertussis or whooping cough and it WONT GO AWAY and i cracked a rib coughing and i'm in pain and i'm pissed and i feel like everyone could just care a hell of a lot less. i know thats not true but thats how i feel so deal with it. comments are disabled cuz i'm just venting here. i feel like a completely different person and i'm so incredibly sick of it. this better go away or i will lose a lot of really important things in my life...
i'm currently a work in progress...
|
|
| i feel |
[16 May 2005|01:27pm] |
lost yet familiar
sad yet overwhelmingly happy
detached but in control
alone but surrounded by love and beauty
confused but able to understand everything i'm feeling
in pieces yet all together.
broken but able to ignore it and seem flawless
its nice to be able to put up a facade but i'm so tired of it. why cant i just be the facade...i used to be that person. now i'm that and then something deeper. its very irritating. see i can detach myself from my situation and act non-chalant about it and just be like "this is so annoying i cant believe i'm like this" in a completely like....that kid is throwing trash into my yard its very irritating kind of way. its rather annoying.
|
|
|
[23 Mar 2005|05:56pm] |
|
I F-ING HATE LIFE. this is the end. goodbye.
|
|
|
[22 Mar 2005|11:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my non-depression music |
] |
i never have any obsessions completely all to myself. i need one cuz its annoying not to have something for your very own. at least in your group of friends, otherwise what makes you different from anyone else? i mean you're probably friends with them in the first place cuz you're a helluva lot a like what makes you stand out?
|
|
|
[21 Feb 2005|11:25am] |
|
i have this horrible uneasy feeling about school. like i'm swirling around in a downward spiral of failure and i'm gonna end up ruined. i dont know what to do or who to turn to about it.
|
|
| yes yes i'm still alive. |
[10 Feb 2005|11:55am] |
|
can anyone tell me where i could find the piano music for the song 'goodbye love' from rent? its my absolute favorite song and the piano book i have doesnt have it in there and none of them out there seem to either. you'd be my absolute favoritest person ever.
|
|
| does anyone read this anymore? |
[06 Dec 2004|05:54pm] |
i would not be surprised if i fainted tonight and it sucks that i'm all alone cuz fainting is never fun and i want someone to take care of me. i miss my mom. lol but seriously my hearts beating really fast and i'm feeling really run down all of a sudden and not so good and this is what happened the last time. guh-reat.
|
|
| it was beautiful. |
[29 Nov 2004|03:35pm] |
To days of inspiration
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing
The need to express
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three- piece suits
To fruits to no absolutes
To Absolute- to choice
To the Village Voice
To any passing fad
To being an us-for once-, instead of a them
la vie boheme....
i saw rent yesterday in nyc and i'm even more in love with it than ever
before. and drew lachey (98 degrees guy) played mark and i was upset
but he did alright. too nasaly for me but y'know whatev the rest was
amazing!!!!!!! annnndd i want to see it over and over and over again
and yes. the end. it was beautiful.
|
|
| i think i can i think i can. |
[08 Nov 2004|02:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dave matthews- the lillywhite sessions |
] |
okay so i really need to focus right now. i have a psych research project that i need to write and all i keep doing is reading people's xangas and livejournals. not what i want to be doing! must...focus...no more reading.
i bought 2 virginia woolf books yesterday and i'm very excited to read them. i started on mrs. dalloway already...i just odnt know when i'll have time to read them and enjoy them.
okay...now its time to focus.
...really.
i just got a shooting pain in my elbow.
wierd.
why cant i focus?!?! guh!
little engine that could has left the building!
|
|
|
[04 Nov 2004|11:16pm] |
|
i'm never eating...never ever ever ever ever ever ever............
...ever.
till i'm skinny. cuz thats what i do when things go out of control.
gah!
|
|
| stress has overcome me |
[04 Nov 2004|11:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
stupid train going by |
] |
The lights are out in the city tonight
So close your eyes, gaze up at the heavens
And see if you can point me out
If I could have one wish tonight
I'd wish upon a satellite
To bring me back to you
We spend our whole lives searching for
All the things we think we want
And never really knowing what we have
So many paths that we can take
To bring us to our destiny
Gaze up at the heavens
And see if you can point me out
If I could have one wish tonight
I'd wish upon a satellite
To bring me back to you
We spend our whole lives searching for
All the things we think we want
And never really knowing what we have
Be careful what you wish for
These stars are fading out.
i had a nervous breakdown last night. a real one. it started out
because i couldnt find my sweatpants that was the annoyance then it
went on to how messy our room is then to how annoyed and frustrated i
was with life and how there's nothing good here anymore and then to
some other stuff i cant remember then onto how tired i was. i ended up
finding my pants in my drawer and curling up in the fetal position
crying on my bed. i actually fell asleep that way oddly enough. then i
had horrible dreams about friends who have passed away and it was not
pleasant. i've never had things feel so out of control before. ever
seen empire records? towards the end liv tyler's character flips out
and it was a lot like that only not so angry. the screaming was also
muffled cuz hello, dorm room with thin walls and lots of people in the
hall...not such a good thing.
but today's another day and even though i have slept through 2 of
my classes that i NEEDED to go to...it can redeem itself. plus its
rainy.
nothing like a rainy day to try to brighten your mood.
allie i tried callin you last night and i couldnt get through and then
i had my flip out session and crashed in bed. i sorry. i dont have to
be at the theater till 6 tonight so if you'd like to call me around
5ish or i can call you or something and we can chat then. i miss you
love
everyone else, i hope college and life are treating you much better than its treating me.
|
|
|
[10 Oct 2004|08:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
coldplay - everything's not lost |
] |
i am not eating anything this week hey!
(that was my song)
or if i do eat so my metabolism works i'll eat like...carrots or something like that. cuz i dont like being blah. and that, as i understand, is what i am.
|
|
| you suck. |
[03 Oct 2004|10:25pm] |
goodbye livejournal. no one reads you and no one comments and when i
comment on other peoples sites (besides nicole's cuz she's freaking
awesome) no one comments back there's no use for you anymore. it was so
i could talk to allison but she seems to have pushed me away. i used to
enjoy you but now i dont. xanga is more convenient plus people actually
comment on it. i will use you for my own personal ventage and that is
about it.
the end.
|
|
| baby baby baby light my way.... |
[30 Sep 2004|03:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
u2- ultra violet (light my way) |
] |
ally-son when will you make my livejournal pretty-ful?
i'm not really ecstatic...i just like to watch the penguin to flips.
back to studying physics. i swear this will be the death of me.
|
|
| you |
[15 Sep 2004|11:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
reliant k christmas music |
] |
I'm haunted by memories of you every day. Really haunted, not just
nagged by them, when i start thinking about them i go somewhere else
and everything around me is a blur and its hard for me to escape from
it. Sitting in chapel today Dr. K said funeral and that brought them
back. I had to force myself to push those thoughts out of my mind and
pay attention. its been a month you'd think i'd be okay. but i was so
heartbroken. when i find myself beginning to forget something triggers
them in my mind. I think everyone has them but none of us talk to each
other about it for fear we'll upset each other. My mom told me before i
went that funerals and viewings are the hardest things to go to
especially after just finding out what happened but i was so ready to
get closure and to be a big girl about it that i didnt realize, my
mom's usually right. now i cant get those pictures out of my
head. they're stuck disturbing my thoughts and dreams. i dont want to
forget you i want to remember good things not the last time i saw your
body. i'm feeling very disturbed right now. sorry if i brought
anyone down. this is my outlet. i dont think people read this anyways
thats why i decided to put this in here. i'm upset
it'll be gone in a little while.
|
|
| also... |
[12 Sep 2004|04:13pm] |
|
i never want to grow up. b/c then you have to wear horrible high healed shoes. i wore some today and they kill.
|
|
| take me far away from here i will run to you. |
[12 Sep 2004|04:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 complacent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
crickets outside. |
] |
i have run away from my room because my roommate and her boyfriend are being disgustingly cute and napping together. i want to scream. i miss my boyfriend and its driving me insane.
tyler came up to visit me this weekend and we had a blast. we went to pittsburgh yesterday to try to find soemthing to do and after a long time of wandering around we literally stumbled upon an irish festival and gaelic storm was there (they are my favorite celtic band. they played on titantic during hte part where all the 'peasants' or whatever are dancing in the basement of the boat but thats not why i like them). they're amazing and they're so funny they crack me up. so we went to hte festival for a bit and walked around (they didnt play till 10) so we went around station square trying to find hte restaurant with the shortest wait, after putting our name into a couple places (different names mind you) ezekial won and we went to houllihans and had a lovely dinner and then went back to the festival to see gaelic storm perform. I LOVE THEM. i have so much love for them. it was the best night. i was so hyper and smiley afterwards and now i'm just kinda blah but at least i had one amazing day amongst the blah ones.
how's that for a post? maybe i'll even put in my mood penguin and the song i'm listening too. then it will be substantial.
i have lots of studying to do but i dont want to go into my room. *glares*
|
|
|
[03 Sep 2004|12:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hot |
] |
where is my new icon alliemere?!?!?!?! ahem. hehe...i kid.
i miss you
i spent 5 hours studying psychological statistics yesterday and i was going crazy. it was insane. and now...i'm actually off to study some more of that and some scs which is stupid. i am sick. its not fun.
the end!
i promise these entries will be much better and more in depth and probably loads sillier once i get internet in my room. but right now i'm in our lounge and i just dont feel inspired here. what can you do
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
pixichick0's journal